self discovery

i figured something out today that has been bothering me for a couple of weeks.

i have been feeling overwhelmed by insecurities.
i have been feeling defensive.
i have been feeling disconnected.
i have been feeling uncertain.

all these things have been brewing under the surface and in my usual manner i have managed to just ignore them and deny their existence. i am very good at being strong and controlling my emotions. i've born it through life circumstance.

this morning i spent extra time with the Lord in the word and in prayer and i felt refreshed. i felt like He'd missed me, even though i'd been reading every day...i don't think i've been connecting emotionally. once in awhile maybe. but i don't like to be vulnerable. when everybody around me is vulnerable i feel responsible to maintain this strong presence. some stability in the midst of chaos and mayhem. i hate weakness.

i am hoping God can teach me that weakness and vulnerability are beautiful things to be shared...that sharing them can impact others and strengthen relationships.